THEY · SAY · JUST · FOLLOW · YOUR · HEART...

If ever I get to live five years from now, I hope to be out of college, starting my career and reaping all the benefits from my hard work at college.

If ever I get to live 20 years from now, I hope to have found my kindred, be married, have a kid and adopt at least one, have enjoyed my marriage so far, and know my mission in life.

If ever I get married, I would die by those vows, for the very fact of getting married would be a gift from God, and I would hate to spoil one of the best gifts ever.

If ever I get to have children, I would do my best not to screw them up, love them more than anything else in the world, and instill as many good values as I can.

If ever I get to be old and gray, I would thank God for giving me the gift of time and I would consider my life well-lived if I could travel doing missionary work, know that I changed at least one of my student's life, or helped change the life of my kindred spirit.

If ever I get to meet you, I hope to never lose you, let you know how much I love you, cherish you, and respect you everyday until the end.

If ever I said I didn't love you, it was a lie.

If ever I get to say it to you, know that I mean it.

If ever I get to hear the same from you, the happiness would never end, and neither will my love for you.

This is a poem I wrote for Catholicism......What do ya'll think?

The Rainbow

I Invite all three of you into my heart,
My Creator, My Savior, and My Life.

My Creator,
The Eternal Light,
The Original and Pure,
From which this rainbow,
Known as the Universe
Came from.

My Savior,
The One who cared for all
The Colors,
Was one Himself for a while,
Yet still part of the Original,
Gave His life
To preserve the beauty,
Of the Rainbow.

My Life,
Which is the force within me
And all the other
Parts of the Light.
What makes this Rainbow
Come Alive.

Why am I so afraid to write now? I never used to be, but I feel the fear now. For being ridiculed? For being judged? I honestly don’t think that the people that read this blog actually do it to bring me down, so who am I really afraid of? I think I’m becoming afraid of myself. I don’t like the person I’ve become and who I’m becoming, if that makes sense. My indecisiveness is getting out of hand. I want to be sure of what I want in my life, like I used to. Trust me, not knowing can get you into some horrible situations.

So, I guess I first need to sort out who I am. I am 18, learning that I can’t control life, that I have to trust my instincts and my beliefs because otherwise I’ll feel that emptiness again and forget the meaning of it all, if I even know what that is yet.

On to matters of the heart. Well, I have met a great guy. I met Andrew here on myspace and have been going out with him ever since. It’s almost a month, and I think we’re pretty happy. This relationship is one of the most impulsive things I’ve ever done because I dove right into it, without testing the waters like I usually do. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not, but let’s wait and see where it leads.

Everyone has been talking about how much they’ve grown this last year and about all the things they have accomplished. Well, I don’t believe I have grown much this year, well, not the whole year. The year started off great. I was in my senior year of high school, had the best friends in the world, was in a play, had a boyfriend, and couldn’t wait for graduation. Senioritis did get the best of me at times, for I skipped school a lot, a total of ten days, I believe. I think this was my rebellious year. I did many things I wasn’t proud of, like smoke for the first time, drink for the first time, and well, I’m not too proud of these debaucheries. I broke many hearts this year, although, I must say, I’ve had mine broken many times as well. My boyfriend that I had had for two years cheated on me with a guy friend of mine, and well, that was one of the first heartbreaks.

I don’t feel like I’ve grown much this year. I felt more mature in high school, as a matter of fact. Once I moved to college, yah, I felt proud to be on my own and learning to live life as an adult, but my behavior was anything but. Again, the debaucheries played a big part in why I’m so guilty now. And some more heartbreaks came along. One of the major ones, my roommates friend, who’s name shall not be mentioned, showed me how cruel and pigheaded guys can be, even the nice ones.

One good thing about this awful and rebellious year, I have come to learn a lot. Acting like someone you’re not will get you no where, debaucheries are bad for your body and your soul, I am stronger than I thought I was, yet weaker in some areas than I thought I was, and that I really believe God helped me through it all. A few years before this had been pleasant and pretty much uneventful, so I guess it was time for me to get smacked in the face by life and learn something. So, in a nutshell, even though I regret much, this has been one of the best years of my life.

Just like any other evening, the guys gathered 'round the warm fire after a long day of work. Building a neighborhood on this old orange grove is hard work, so a beer, a fire, and good company are well deserved. Niquin, Pepe, Juan, Paco, and Luis talk about the day's work, their dreams last night, and what they hope will come when the neighborhood is complete.

Out of the corner of his eye, Pepe notices a strange flame in the middle of the property. A flame like any other, except the colors change from red, to blue, to green, which indicates that gold is buried there. Without a word, he runs toward the mysterious fire, in hopes of marking the spot before it disappears so they can dig tomorrow.

Dumbfounded, the others follow Pepe's wild run across the land, and see him place a rock on the ground. No one sees the mysterious fire, but as they get closer, they hear Pepe's cries, "Not another step!" Niquin and Juan freeze as was commanded, but Luis and Paco did not heed the warnings. Luis fell immediately to the floor like a wooden plank. Paco screamed that he was being beaten by someone unseen. Pepe ran straight to Luis, for Paco was still Paco, and Luis needed more attention. Pepe grabbed Luis by the shirt, asking in Spanish who he was.

"El Diablo."

“Who are you?”

“The Devil.”

Pepe spoke to the demon in French and Latin as well, commanding it to leave. When the demon refused, the group started to pray. The truck was brought close by, and the group loaded Luis in. After visiting two churches in town to find a priest, the group finally found one in the church near Tia Elvira’s old house. After the situation was explained, the priest blessed two rosaries, put one around Paco’s neck and one around Luis’. Both were told to not take them off, for they would ward off any other evil spirits around that property. Prayers, holy water, and more prayers finally forced the spirit out of Luis. A mini-exorcism, if you will.



The neighborhood is not yet complete, and the spot still marked, waiting for treasure to be discovered. Paco has gone back to Monterrey, fearful for his life, still wearing the rosary around his neck. Luis continues to work with Juan, Niquin, and Pepe, but still has that rosary as well. No one dares go near the treasure spot, for fear of the evil that may be buried there. Whoever gets their house built on there may be fortunate or unfortunate enough to discover this group’s secret.

yay, got to see my ken doll today! (darn, I know you're laughing at me, Gerry!) Saw him in the afternoon and just a little while ago. Ok, I just had to put this in my blog, otherwise I think I'll forget it. I went to Mr. Trevino's class today and some students were filming their commercials. Juan and Ryan did a Viagra commercial, which was freakin' hilarious! Juan's sitting behind a desk, when Ryan pops his head in and asks what's different about him. Juan gets up and goes around the table, showing his fake boner that was made out of paper cups and a towel. He knocks over a cup, and then knocks Ryan over with it. Ryan's trying to pick up the cup and get's poked in the eye. I hope I get a copy of it, especially the pics that Cynthia took of Mr. T trying to get the fake boner in his eye. Oh, and a microphone is now named "Juan's Penis". Colts won!!! Woot! hmmm....nothin' more.

A Poem a friend wrote for me...Let's call him Bukowski

loving the loveless

here i am loving the loveless
caring for the careless
living with the lifeless
in a world full of less
i am wanting more
in a time of great excess and desire
here i am breathing
walking, hurting, laughing
and all the while life passes me by
aimlessly searching
circles i watch
longing to care
longing to love
longing to live
i have less
and i am wanting more
so i continue my walk as
i love the loveless
care for the careless
living with the lifeless
and this whole time i just want to be loved

I was just remembering the other day, about one of the sweetest moments I've ever had, though some would call it ghetto. One day in eighth grade, I was sitting on the bus in front of school, waiting for it to take off and take me home. All of a sudden, there's a hand on the opposite side of the window. I stuck my head out the window, and it turned out to be the guy I liked. (If this guy is reading this, I didn't know whether I should add your name).

“Hey”

“Hey”

“Why’d you put yur hand on the window, it freakin’ scared me!”

“I wanted to ask you something….”

“Sure…what?”

“Ummm….I’ll call you tonight, ok?”

“Ok”

Then the bus drove off, and later that night he asked me out. This was my Romeo and Juliet moment, because when I stuck my head out the window, I felt like I was on a balcony, staring down at him. I've told this story over and over, and almost every time, the person i'm telling it to burst out laughing saying "How Ghetto!" Just thought I'd post it on here to see if you all say the same.

The Grass


Everyday, the grass absorbs my troubles

As I trudge along my day.

Thank You, Jesus, for the pain you bring me

It lets me know that all the good

will be that much more worth it.

Thank You for the bad times,

Thank You for the good times,

These times are all I’ll ever have.

Forgive me, for I am a stupid sheep

that keeps straying from the flock.

How do you repay such kindness?

Such grandeur?

The sins I commit keep me away

From that everlasting love,

The love I didn’t even know I had.

I’ll make you proud.

With no one to blame but myself,

I surrender to Your judgement,

The only force of Fairness in my life.

Thank You for the life I have,

exactly the way it is, as it was meant to be.

And finally, thank You for the grass that absorbs my troubles

And brings beauty to reality.

Does anyone out there ever feel like you want to live life to its fullest, but don't really know how? I've been trying to do that, but just keep falling asleep when I think about it. I think I'm meant to be a dreamer, but I will become a doer as well, because I see no point in dreaming something up and letting it go to waste. That's why God helps those who help themselves.

One thing I believe I need to live life to its fullest is love, true love, but I'm not sure why. I've wanted this love for as long as I can remember, and feel selfish when I wait for it and impatient. I'm going to search for the ENTIRE meaning of life because it has recently occured to me that maybe love is only one aspect of existence. I hope to find out what else is out there and share this information with those of you who have been waiting for love as I have. Don't lose your hope, but be patient, love will find us when we least expect it. Sorry, my heart, but you will have to remain silent for a bit more, it's not yet time to bare your secrets